I am rather bored this evening. And have been for most of the day. Normally on a Saturday, I would be with Toby, as is obvious judging by all the weekend posts. This weekend is going to be a day-by-day, post-by-post jobbie, as I actually have the time. I have nothing else to do besides wait for odd text messages from my beloved, ponder over and over and over about which phone to get, as I still haven’t decided, and talk to the few people that have as little a life as I do without Toby. It’s rather silly that I depend on him to do stuff every weekend, but I kind of do. I guess I’m just a bit of a sad geek who has no other friends. Lucky me. Read More...

It’s wierd. Before Toby went away, I was getting on with so much; hoovering, washing and tidying my room so it’s ready for decorating. Now he’s gone, I can’t get in the right frame of mind to do things that I can’t do with him. I just miss him loads and it’s affecting everything. I can’t get to sleep because I’m crying, I can’t get out of bed because I don’t think there’s anything to get up for… I just want to hear his voice, but not through a phone, see his face not through photos or a webcam, I want him home. But I’d feel horrible if he really did come home, because it would be my fault that he missed out on his holiday that he’s paid for and won’t get the money back because it would mean everyone else would have to pay more. Plus I know he’s been waiting for this for a while. One thing that’s making me more upset is that he’s not particularly enjoying it and doesn’t think he will. That just makes me feel really upset because he’s having a bad time… I wish I could be with him, more than anything. Read More...

Toby has gone. 8am this morning, he left for Blackpool and will leave there on Saturday, I think, to go off to somewhere near Penrith in Cumbria. It’s a guys only holiday, so I couldn’t go along.. Sadly. Read More...